the job is done

Well... It is finished.

It feels anti climactic! Like... My whole consciousness is oriented around walking all day long every day, unless it is a glorious rest day, which means doing the absolute minimum of chores and maximum of laying down.

There wasn't room for much else.

In the end it is simple...I had to finish what I said I would do. I learned that the thing I was doing had no magic, really. All of that romance and sparkle existed only in my dreams about the thing. 

This doesn't mean the thing has no value. It probably has more value than the thoughts about it. I know that binding myself to the task of it means something, though I don't yet know if it diminished me through depletion or gave me something worth having... Or neither of those. Perhaps I'm both tired and burdened by something unnecessary. But somehow I think that is unlikely. I only know I held on and stuck it out even as I lost what "it" is.

Can the will burn up it's object? It seems so. It seems that my will is bigger than what it pursues. It finally stops because a line was connected, a number was achieved.

You know what?

I call this good. Because...

Maybe one day, someone will find something really worth pursuing. And I want them to keep going even when they forget why. Because the body and mind tire out. And yet the decision to begin remains valid. And so they should continue, even into the gray forgetting. It suggests to me that the will is great... Perhaps it is a gift from another world.

To see it run beyond the tired mind means that whatever we are, we will make it through to what we should become.

Grand Lake, Colorado. September 9, 2023.