aha! realization on a plane to Tenerife

Despite a bunch of training, I've felt rickety and unhealthy in the past few weeks. I figured out why. Maybe it'll be useful to y'all in your own row through the ocean of this world! (And maybe not... Around a campfire many notions are shared)

I'm semi-retired now, or at least I name myself that way. Additionally, with the start of this big journey, I'm taking many months off from the incredible part time job I've been given.

And so, my mind is often concerned with money... Investments... The currently unfavorable inflation situation... The effect of war and pandemic on the easy flow of business, in which I've put my faith and my money. How self-centered you might say! I have no defense...I only report.

Taxes have been especially difficult. For some reason, at my prior job, there was some deferment for a period of years, which means I need to pay the German government a large amount. The cost of a brand new car, basically. And then more money to the American government (us citizens are also taxed in the USA).

Sore and achey I feel amid all these payments. Why?

It is because when I worked full time, I identified with my work. The market might go up and down, but that was an auxiliary concern. My identity was elsewhere.

But now, my nest egg becomes my "body," kind of by default. My ego experienced a vacuum and filled it with the next logical vehicle: no longer the source of money, but money itself.

And so perceived diminishment of that dragons pile is felt as painful. Much more so than before.

What a fool I've been!

By accepting this default (and dismal) identification, I make my health and happiness dependent on conditions. As we know, conditions ever change. It is a poor choice.

I have many better choices with which to identify. The work of the trail is one. It is also temporary... But still better. The work of my life? Yes... But it could go well or ill, too.

The Great Ones tell us to go beyond all that. Happiness is embedded in the flow of experience. If we listen closely, it contains a blissful song.

Into this song I must go. It is plain common sense, as you can see by my petty and miserable complaints, though I stand on top of many worlds.

Apologies for the deviation from hiking. I'm headed to Tenerife to hike the GR131, which crosses the island in about five days. I'll be stealth camping...I only need to get water, then am free from vehicles and buildings. We land in one hour!